therapy is different every time i go. at the end of today’s session, i had a realization that i never knew before. i used to think i just lost a filter or one of the other parts would randomly say things that i couldn’t control, which is true, but i also realized that sometimes my mind is blank and there are zero thoughts, yet words come out. i guess it is another part who talks, but that never occurred to me how i can talk and have no thought about what i am going to say before i say it. “I” usually think before i speak because i need to have that kind of control. when things randomly come out, it is sometimes frustrating and doesn’t feel okay because things about me/us can get said that i have zero intention of saying, but i guess there is a part or some who feel the need to share things…it just was interesting to figure that out. i also was told that some people can have that at times in general but that it is usually more common in dissociative disorders/DID.

i was also told that thoughts are silent voices unless i misunderstood that. i know what MY thought voice sounds like; it sounds like my spoken voice, but with the others, it can vary depending on who is around, who is thinking, who i can hear…and sometimes it is more difficult, but i know it’s not my thought voice in my head because i can have simultaneous streams of thoughts and things going on, it just isn’t actual voices in my head like it used to be/sometimes is.

i still wonder how people without DID/dissociation think. how do they talk to themselves in their head? do they hear themselves in their head? do they always have a thought before they talk or a thought before they do things? is it ever blank in their head?