time is running out. there is a part who keeps saying that. it is a theme with them. i find it interesting because i never had much concept of time growing up. i never had a sense of growing up or what i wanted to do career wise. there was nothing like that, just nothingness, blankness, and darkness at the thought of it. but time is running out.

it comes up related to things that need to get done or when there are plans to visit family…or with therapy and when it is cancelled or how much time is left over the next few years to progress more.

it evokes panic and fear and becomes paralyzing, but at the same time it stalls things at times and goes in a viscous circle. do things now or never do them. but how can you do that when fear and anxiety in general make it hard to actually things? one day, things seem easier but the next feel impossible. there is no warning. there is no reason (but there is).

it all gets so confusing. time also is associated with the past and the present, not just the future. i don’t know where we fit because we are in all those places at the same time.