i have been sick for the last week. it’s just been mild. i was going to cancel therapy tomorrow, but to my surprise, my therapist had something come up and would have cancelled anyway. i really didn’t want to but it’s hard to really focus and talk about things when you physically are unwell, and i didn’t want to potentially get other people sick either.

but because of therapy being cancelled tomorrow and also next friday, it brings up a bunch of other emotions and thoughts. some parts are scared about not going because she is a kind of anchor for them. they also fear she will disappear and never come back. others think she hates us and that is why she has cancelled next friday. it doesn’t help when i try to explain to them those things are not true and that she will come back and that it’s not personal, she has things in her life to do.  it is difficult also because i know that we need more access to her. it just isn’t something that can happen though. if she allowed texting, that might be good.

i know they need more therapy of some type. it’s been something i’ve contemplated for a while now, but at the same time, too much can cause things to become too unstable. so i am usually just at a loss. i don’t know how they can express themselves more.