…and things are back to being okay, at least for the last two days. i managed to get out of the house tomorrow and NOT feel on edge/anxious. it felt like whatever part has been around that has been so full of fear and anxiety stepped back. we were able to hold our head up and look at people and talk to people and not feel the need to run and hide. it was nice.
but there are still a lot of feelings that come up with feeling inadequate, inferior, etc. and a bunch of other things. it’s a mix of young parts and older parts and all the things that come up with a young child and older teens/adults…this whole confusing mix of trying to navigate a world within all of those contexts. it doesn’t really work so well. they all want to do different things, but none of it can be done for various reasons.
the last therapy session was just spent talking about random useless things. i feel like it was a wasted and stupid session, but it was still kind of better than the previous one where two or three parts came out. i still never did talk about the one bad dream i had and the abuse in it and how it made me/us feel. now, it seems pointless to go back and talk about it, but it kind of also ties into some of the feelings lately…not that it matters though.
i am hoping i feel better to go to therapy friday. i’ve been fighting something off since the weekend. i don’t have therapy next friday, so some parts are anxious about that. things change so much that i never know what day will bring up what. but i know the longer there is lack of consistency with therapy, the more difficult it can be to want to talk again for some reason.