i have felt a lot of parts coming to the surface more. it’s been a whirlwind. so many that i can’t always separate them out since they overlap. there has been one filled with intense terror and needing someone to help. there has been one who gets upset/angry/frustrated when there is no one for us to talk to. there has been one who doesn’t want to be ‘here’ anymore because of the pain and how scary things are. mixed with that has been self harm thoughts/urges. then another part related to something else, maybe two, who are more dark and unsafe in other ways.
i have been dissociated for days with just some time where i am not around people/family. once i haven’t been, it is right back again. my head starts to spin from inside, and everything outside gets far away. i can feel the shifts, and it’s just this confusing swirling.
it was bad not long ago with terror, fear, feeling like my skin was crawling, like i needed to get away, to be safe, but there was nowhere. i felt my body start rocking and the counting in my head start.
it is so hard to explain it all….how dissociation works and when alters are there. everything just smooshes together and is confusing. nothing makes sense. things shut down.
i need to figure out what this terror is..i have been there before…it’s like being stuck, held hostage somewhere in the dark with no way out, and no one can hear you or find you. i don’t know if it’s parts with memory pieces, if parts are stuck there..if they trigger each other…how to help them or talk to them or let them talk…
i don’t know what has caused this.