Things are rough and scary. I don’t know what is happening. Bad dreams and nightmares have been happening the last few nights. They take a toll on me, especially when I wake up at 2:oo a.m. from one and am terrified. The feelings from them are feelings that seem to be in the back of my head daily along with this weird dissociative feeling that isn’t like the usual type I have. It is very unsettling. It feels like years ago when it was very bad with the others (alters/parts) around a lot. I cannot get out of it or shake it away.
Therapy has been cancelled for the last three weeks in a row due to the therapist being sick. I really needed therapy today. I am scared of this not stopping and something happening as a result. I cannot sort out what part this is related to. Usually I can figure out something, but not this time. I don’t know what it means. It is terrifying though. It is like a feeling that something bad is bubbling up to the surface, but you don’t know what, so you can’t prepare yourself because you don’t know what it is going to be or how to prepare, how to face it.
It’s like a mix of trauma events, nightmares, and terror wrapped up in one…lingering. Is it real..is it not.