I haven’t had much to say so haven’t written in a while. I got through December without too much going on. I did have to take antibiotics for an infection, so that wasn’t so fun. And I think the infection and then antibiotics made my head feel really weird. It wasn’t like dissociation, but I was very detached from things and wasn’t able to really focus on a lot or remember a lot. The last two days, it has been happening again, and I am not sure why. Maybe it really is just dissociation and changes how it manifests.
I am going on a big trip in March with a cousin, so I have been getting things ready for that. I have never gone on such a big trip before. Well, I did go to Mexico in 2014, but it was with a bunch of family. I am going to Venice, Italy. We will only be there for three and a half days since two are spent traveling, but I think it will be enough time to get around Venice and then hopefully take a train to Verona (where the story of Romeo and Juilet took place). I have been trying to learn some Italian just in case I encounter people who don’t speak English well, and I have a small book to bring with me to help interpret some things like on a menu, etc.
My sleep has been a bit odd. I have been having strange dreams, not nightmares, but some really emotional ones which tend to set things off for that day. In general, my sleep feels like it has changed. I think I am sleeping earlier at night or else sleeping deeper (until my cat wakes me up anyway).
Overall, things have been okayish, but I can feel things the last two days. It has been like feeling the others are talking in the background/behind a wall. I have this ‘knowing’ that they are and find myself randomly stopping and looking to the right like I am trying to hear something. It confuses me when I catch myself doing it because it’s just like this automatic thing I do and feels a bit strange. I am waiting for one (or a few) of them to come to the surface again. After the last one we dealt with, I think things just got exhausting, and a break was much needed. Maybe some were taking a rest too.
I am just hoping that things will be okay when I go on the trip. My cousin does not know about the others/DID, and I don’t want anything to happen to where I would have to explain any of it. She does know I have anxiety issues at times, so at least she is aware of that. I am really hoping it goes well though, and I want to have it be a positive experience because it is a once in a lifetime trip.