I thought that things were okay. Usually, I have a few days or a week or so that are calm after something happens. I think it was a week or so of that calmness.

I have been a bit sick the last few weeks with different things and generally tired and not feeling well. I don’t think I’ve been dissociating, though there has been a shift inside which I haven’t figured out.

I have heard of several people passing away this week, and it has triggered things. Family members have lost loved ones (not related to me), and the thought of death absolutely terrifies me. It is not something I can wrap my head around or deal with. The thought of losing more than the two I already have is unfathomable.

Someone inside is feeling really bad, like they are bad or wrong, which causes me to feel it as well. It takes over and becomes what I feel too and is really confusing. It clouds my head and is difficult to feel. I know that we are not bad and did not do anything wrong. Just because people change or grow apart or might not always agree with each other doesn’t mean it’s wrong. We did nothing wrong. I am not sure why it feels that way.  I don’t like it though. I don’t want to feel bad.

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