I haven’t seen my psychiatrist since the 30th now. Her schedule got messed up, and then the buses where I live decided to go on strike. I didn’t realize just how helpful weekly sessions were until it got all messed up and caused a lot of anxiety at the irrational thought that I might not see her again. I got more appointments scheduled after the mix up, but now it is even more messed up because I cannot get there.

I have limited people to talk, especially those who actually ‘get’ my flavor of crazy. I have finally been able to be open to my psychiatrist this last year and not censor myself. Now not having seen her for a while, things are just stuck inside. At the same time, I can’t quite even express it. I feel confused and am not entirely sure why, but I know it has to do with all the things that have stirred lately including things from dreams that have brought up emotions that linger subconsciously.

Anxiety has increased lately, but in a different way than usual. Maybe it has to do with the moon. Full moons tend to do that to me, and the weather is changing. It’s getting colder. I hate the cold. I hate the cold and dark together.

I keep losing focus. It feels like thing are trying to be said and come out, but it just doesn’t. I find myself stopping for a second like I am waiting to hear something, but nothing comes up. Things just feel off. I do not like it. I feel disconnected and detached…numb…nothing. It’s not new, but it’s not my usual disconnected, detached, numb feelings. Not that I can explain the difference.